Kitten Induced Whimsy

pixiegray:

professorbreadsticks:

neurotic-barista:

showeranon:

iceyfrog:

This has popped up on my dash a few times and I never read it, but finally I said “Ah what the hell.” I wasn’t gonna reblog it but… What won me over was one line: Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.

Poetry.

rawkz0rz:

shabangdang:

burnthecityoftroy:

… Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.
Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which was seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.
Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.
As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.
“Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”
Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.
“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.”
Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently.
Hilda looked at him expectantly.
“Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”
At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.
Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.
Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.
Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!
The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room.
Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.
She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”
But her bed was empty.
Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.

this is so terrible

I want so bad to make a dramatic reading of this

I lost it at throbbing meat wand omg

what.

i want this on my blog forever holy shit

holy

shit

“galloping abs”

Torolf entered her like she was a lottery.

I completely lost my shit at

dick aneurysm

meat wand

I need you- sexually

LOVE MOUNTAINS

DICK PARKINSON’S

GALLOPING ABS

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

A COMPLETE MASTERPIECE

I can’t breathe, I’m laughing so fucking hard.

Snooch.

Hahahaha.

THIS IS NOT REAL FUCK.

An open message to all writers, smut related or otherwise: Go home now. You simply cannot compete with this masterful wordsmith.

…You had me at “dick aneurysm”.

I don’t 

I can’t

I 

No

(yes)

Is… Is… is this real life?

Spongy love mountains!

Fulfilled with sexual fulfilment!

SO. MANY. ORGASMS! 

I am so dramatically reading this over the Summer. Podcast, pixiegray? :P

“ In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.” - CAN’T. BREEEEATHE.

club-afterlife:

odinsmightymustache:

flatbear:

dead-logic:

I just read this very interesting article:

Why Loki Won in the Avengers.

Warning: spoilers. Make sure you’ve seen the movie first before you read this.

Mind: Blown. It always bugged me that Loki was so careless about drawing the Hulk out, knowing full well he could be beaten by the creature. This is just…ahhh. AHHH.

YES

llanval:

monkeyscandance:

gnimaerd:

And then Fantasy Literature rides in on a unicorn and is like ‘COME ON SCI-FI. LET’S GO FIGHT DRAGONS ON THE MOON AND LEAVE THESE BORING BASTARDS WITH THEIR TEA.’

Art by Tom Gauld.

Bless this motherfucking post.

I should send this to every literature professor I have ever had, because fuck you, no one needs to read Moby Dick more than once. I love you Herman Melville, but your sentences hurt me.

Because he’s worth it.

(Source: astropolice)

(Source: sotallytober)